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| Image credit: Simonandschuster.com |
YKYWT is a collection of stories "explor[ing] the ways the ways in which women are horrifying as much as it captures the horrors that are done to them." So, needless to say, a fun-filled, light summer read. But I will say, aside from some specific stories that were more blatantly horror, I just was not as "shook" as I wanted to be. Most of the time I was left scratching my head, going, "What the fuck did I just read?"
"Bad Boy," our introductory story into this venture, tricked me. Reading this, I thought, "Holy shit! I'm in for some crazy stuff! Let's see what happens!" And to be fair, there was crazy stuff, but not what I was expecting. I promise I'll try to stop saying that. The gist of the story is, a couple invite their friend over after a bad breakup, let him watch them fuck, then it unravels into a threesome later, and then some violent stuff that feels like what people think BDSM is all about. And it just gets worse from there. As the story goes on, the narrator's thoughts kind of seem to pick up speed, and the events of the story pick up speed until you hit the end of the story going a hundred miles an hour. Personally, it knocked me on my ass, and I felt a mix of emotions ranging from pity for the titular bad boy, disgust at the narrator, and exhilarated from the sheer speed with which the story went by.
"Look At Your Game, Girl," is the second, and my first inkling of frustration with the stories in this book. The story follows Jessica, a twelve-year-old girl, who watches people at the local skate park, and befriends a Charles Manson stan (stalker fan, for those not in the know). As soon as we're introduced to "Charlie," a sketchy guy who gives her a bloody walkman and a CD of Charles Manson's songs, I was convinced I knew what was coming. That she'd listen to the songs, like them, want to meet up with her new friend when he asks her to hang out in the middle of the night in a playground like normal people do, but she doesn't. The entire story, every time I think the proverbial boogeyman is about to pop out and she'll get snatched up into the night, never to be seen again, I'm left hanging. Thinking on it, being left on edge that way, even when a girl (that is not our girl Jessica) is taken and she points the finger at Charlie and he doesn't turn out to be guilty, I'm almost darkly annoyed. Like I was outsmarted, because I never got the "Aha! I knew it!" moment. But I also kind of liked that. Even so, in a way, I think I would've preferred for things to play out in a darker way. I understand that not all horror has an unhappy ending, but in this case I think it would've darkened the tone if there was at least some small, dark twist at the end.
"Sardines" was honestly pretty difficult to get through. This may sound callous, especially as a child of divorce, but I just don't give a shit about a woman being snarky and bitchy and getting wine drunk at her ex-husband's house during her daughter's birthday. When we finally got to what I thought was the point, and everybody has to run out into the woods to play some bizarre game the daughter made up with her friends, I thought we were onto something. Some Slender Man type shit (sidenote: God, remember Slender Man?). But no. What we got instead was a little girl making a fucked up birthday wish because her mom could not shut up and stop being petty about the divorce. Cool. I was not a fan. Even when the wish was revealed and it was weird and gruesome, I was like, "Okay, but... Why?" It just did not leave a great impression on me. Spoiler-ish, the end result just reminded me of a multiple-person version of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.
"Night Runner" is the point at which I felt like I was being pranked. My thoughts before, during, and after were, "Why the hell is this story in this book?" The majority of these stories are at least somewhat creepy, but this was just... All my whats. The story is about a guy from the Peace Corps going to teach in Kenya and winding up being stuck with the "bad girl" class. But honestly, I was not impressed with the things these girls did. Girls can be so cruel, I promise they can do more than mimicking his voice or flicking boogers or meowing. And oh, you know, leaving shit on his doorstep and walls. Super weird, felt like I was largely missing the point. Maybe if I hadn't, I would've liked it better.
"The Mirror, the Bucket, and the Old Thigh Bone" was one of my favorites, possibly because it immediately followed Night Runner and I felt like it renewed my faith in this weird little collection of stories. It's written stylistically like a fairytale, the story of a princess who can't choose a husband. Now, being a giant raging lesbian, I thought she'd turn out to be a lesbian. Unfortunately, that is not the case, but the insanity that ensues truly makes up for it. Spoiler: I would have killed to be a fly on the wall when the advisor to the king and queen was like, "Boss, I think your daughter is probably just a giant narcissist and wants to fuck herself. Can I test that?" Jokes aside, it was a great, very dark story, that just when you think it might be a happy ending the rug is yanked out from under you.
"Cat Person" was a disappointment, and here's why: There are no cats. It's called Cat Person, for God's sake. I thought I was getting into a story about a hoarder with a shit ton of cats, or maybe a werecat/tiger/etc. Nope. Not a single whisker to be found. Truly disappointing. However, the bit that really stuck with me (and, upon further research, lots of people) was the protagonist's hesitance to change her mind about a sexual encounter out of fear of how he might react or view her. I think we all might have experienced those moments before, and it sucks. I feel like the story would've been more poignant if it had focused more on that encounter instead of dragging out every single goddamn detail of their relationship.
I fully expected "The Good Guy" to be about a stereotypical Good Guy. You know, befriends you, asks you out, begins stalking you and starts a smear campaign against you when you turn him down. But no, this is about a fairly normal, if slightly douchey guy named Ted, who ends up in the ER after he breaks up with a girl and she smashes a glass in his face, and how he reminisces about ending up where he did. Tl;dr: he was a loser in high school and had a crush on a popular girl named Anna, but she friendzoned him so he started fucking a weird girl, and eventually dumps her for Anna, and it's not all it's cracked up to be. I guess. IDK. I didn't have many feelings at all about this one, except Ted's inner monologue was hilarious and relatable at times, and I loved what ended up happening to him.
"The Boy in the Pool" is by far the most relatable story of the bunch to me, because I have had unfortunate crushes on my very straight friends and gone to ridiculous, stupid lengths to make them happy. But all in all I just felt bad for the titular Boy in the Pool who clearly is not loving his life post-Boy in the Pool fame. It read weirdly like a Bridesmaids/The Hangover short story, and I was not a fan. I came here for horror, y'know? Not to be outright rude, but it seemed like a really pointless story.
"Scarred" was just.... A morbid, ridiculously sadistic read. Like, okay, you conjured up a man, and instead of being like "Oh, neat, let's stop that now!" She just goes right off the deep end with it. If I were reaching, for the purpose of humor, I might say it's very anti-feminist that she needed a man to make all her heart's desires happen. I wasn't a fan of the protagonist, and her really abrupt change from being scared of the guy she conjured to being the villain, basically, was so out there it caught me off guard.
"The Matchbox Sign" felt like a tailored personal attack. Fun little factoid about me: Several years ago, I bought dresses from Goodwill. Those dresses had scabies in them. I didn't stop itching for three months, to point of bathing with bleach and cayenne pepper and scrubbing my skin raw. So, upon discovering that the premise of this story is a woman develops an itch that may be real or imagined, I started to feel itchy and stayed that way until I could forget about this goddamn story. Loved it. Gimme more stories that leave an impression. Also, the significant other of the itchy woman in the story is kind of an asshole. Just saying.
"Death Wish" just felt like it was asking me to kink shame. And I totally did. This guy finds a girl on Tinder and invites her over, and it turns out her kink is getting beaten to shit. The guy, and myself, are confused and appalled. Eventually he does, she leaves, he gets his act together. I can't believe the moral of this story is that beating up women will cure depression (kidding, totally kidding).
"Biter" is the closer. It's graphically violent, it's twisted, it's great. It's what I wished every story had been in this series. Also, shout out to the protagonist, Ellie. I too was a biter as a kid. But I don't, uh, do what happened in the story. That'd be fucked up. And the fact that it's so fucked up and such a bizarre "What the hell" kind of experience to read makes me kind of mad the rest of the stories weren't on this level.
Plot: 3/5
Writing Style: 3.5/5
Pacing: 3/5
Characters: 3/5
Overall: 3.1
Thanks for reading!
Davis
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